bad things are going to happen.

i have a feeling, an instinct, an intuition.
i duno why but it just feels very very negative.
why couldn't i just be happy?
why is it so hard to find happiness?
why am i suffering so much?
Watch ugly Truth.
"Love is bullshit, you can never ever find true love"
after this sentence i secretly cried in the movie. HEY GOD DAMN! it's suppose to be a comedy LOVE story. went back home and drink. and i drunk very little but i guess i ate too much of the food and i vomit. it hurts a lot when u vomit. hurts so much more when ur vomitting and think of some1. >.< i duno what's happening i duno what's going to happen. I guess im just not strong enough... Recently i've been feeling that i have never been good enough for any1 that i fell in love for. Am i really that bad? i asked myself. i couldn't answer coz deep inside my thots i refuse to accept the fact that people i admire/love/like/care for just dun really like me at all? maybe they do ONCE out of rashlessness but den again... i think i fell too deep each time and it's hard to step right back up. but i guess thats just me and yes im very emotional. emotions had and have taken over my actions and sometimes i just cant act properly. My mind goes against my soul, goes against my body and just do what it think was best at that point of situation.

Overall, i think i suck. BIG TIME. not dicks not pussies. but SUCK at my life.
Yes i know there are people who cares for me... and many special thanks for Denise who came down to find me though she'd didn't sleep for like 24Hrs already. really glad and happy that she came down. but sometimes i really hope it was that special someone who came down and stay over at my place and talk with my family and eat mooncakes together. WHICH might be highly impossible.
i guess im thinking too much and the way things are going at this rate, it wouldn't be long before i turn into some fuckign shit who plays around just to get revenge. i duno but i think i've changed throughout this years going through deep shit and all. it feels like im really trying too hard. too hard for me to handle sometimes and somethings just keep on getting outta my control.

good nights people. i'm sleeping at 7:30am.

i really miss you. you've stopped sms-ing me and replying to my msges. it feels weird and empty. but i guess i just have to deal with it. maybe im falling too fast and everything is going too quickly. i THINK i know what your considering about. but i hope i really enjoy the time now while ur still around here. just a few bus stops away just a few steps away and just a few minutes away.